How NOT to be a Front-End Developer
First of all, I want to make it clear that this article was written in a satirical tone — it's merely a reflection on how we often behave as Devs.
It's very common to find best practices in programming, patterns, and guidelines on how to build things, how to behave, and so on. All of that is great, but what about bad practices? We often do something that isn't great and don't even realize it — who's going to tell us it's wrong, right?
If it works, ship it hehehehe
Well, not exactly — that can be very harmful. So let's take a look at some of that :)
I drew from the experience of some devs, articles I researched, and a bit of my own experience. I've seen quite a few things in my almost 10 years as a developer.
HOW NOT TO BE A FRONT-END DEVELOPER!
My, how rebellious…
Well, let's start by talking about what it means to be a Front-End developer, what this magical and colorful career is like…
Did you think I was going to talk about best practices? You thought wrong…
Let's get into our first tip — it's a hot one!!!
Don't talk to others about what you don't know
If you don't know something, don't show your ignorance to others. Stay isolated for the good of everyone. People are just a nuisance — don't learn anything new.
Much less talk about what you do know!!!
Who needs competition?! Why would I share what I know? That's how I stay valuable at the company. You should keep quiet!
Don't version your code!
That's right — versioning is for people who don't know what they're doing. Save everything on Google Drive, Dropbox, a USB drive… What about FTP?
Only do what you're asked
It doesn't matter what they asked or how — don't do more than the minimum. Flexibility and availability are for the weak.
Put all your JS in a single file :)
This one is a classic! If everything is in one file, only you'll be able to maintain it. Man, I once saw a file so large I thought the thing was minified… Imagine maintaining that colossus U.U
CSS?
Dude, when it comes to CSS the best approach is to style all the tags and forget about it… It'll look great! Creating classes takes too long and clutters the HTML.
Focus on frameworks and libs!
Go all in on React, Vue, Angular, Elm and whatever new lib or framework shows up — forget the basics.
Don't do Code Review!
That's the spirit! Long live freedom — everyone should write however they want.
Reinvent the wheel, always.
Go on, Conan, show off and recreate everything from scratch, always! It's silly to use what already exists. You're good enough to build everything from zero. Other people's code? Never! We keep it raw here!
Never code for free
This tip is for your professional growth. Sure, I use Linux, PHP, free editors and 500 other things — but I don't code for free. Open source is for people with no vision. Nobody works for free.
Accessibility?
Not worrying about blind people, those with motor disabilities, or deaf people is "normal" — so just skip that part. Maybe after the project is done we'll add a button to change the screen color…
Don't write tests
La garantia soy yo.
Tests are for people who don't know what they're doing. Insecure people. If something breaks, QA will catch it :)
Have vision
Dude, if things get tight, throw in some jQuery — it solves everything. Mix Vue with React, Angular with PHP — the key is to diversify.
Write in your native language
Come on, everyone on your team is from the same country!
Ignore new technologies
Every day some youngster is inventing something new — ignore all of it. You already have what you need to work. Comfort zone is everything ;)
And as Daniel Orlean once said:
Your failure is entirely up to you.
And never forget — follow some of these tips to become a bad Front-End developer. It's all on you!
You know, I remember that at the beginning of my career I was truly possessed. Sometimes I still wake up inspired, you know how it is?! heheheh
But at the staaaaart… I was the devil!! Once I had the brilliant idea of typing everything on a single line :) A massive codebase in just one line, so the file would be smaller. Great!
I won't even tell you what I did to "minify" a file hahahaha — that's a story for another day.
Top tips for your failure only!
And that's it, young grasshoppers. Here are some tips on how NOT to be a Front-End developer — reflect on them. I'm sure you've experienced something similar (I hope not, but just in case…). I believe this can help a lot of people, especially those starting their careers and still forming their knowledge, opinions, and who don't have much XP yet.
Thanks ;)
References: